Dr Robert Peter Manwaring

So the big day finally arrives, and with my final visits to Waitrose out of the way, the house is ship-shape and ready to receive Bognor's foremost Political Doctor and Tillburger.

Even the weather puts on a bit of show, hitting 30C. Which is more than can be said for England's Brave and Loyal John Terry, who is culpable for at least 15 of Germany's 4 goals. But I digress...

First through the door are the McPartlins, followed by the Manwarings, and then a heavily-pregnant Heat-er. Being heavily pregnant quickly becomes a theme of the day.

A quick cup of tea and gossip later and we head out to Vine Road playground. We are joined by Kiki, Bernie and a pregnant Rosie and their daughter Iris, and Orbster and a heavily-pregnant Jane for an afternoon splashing in the paddling pool, and listening to England be humbled by a rampant Germany. At least we won the cricket, eh Ron?

Thoroughly burnt, wet and knackered we all head back to the Mortlake Mansions for take-away pizzas. Inexplicably Kendra ends up with a chicken pizza rather than chicken salad, and even more inexplicably there's loads left, despite me and Greggy spending a long time near it. She did well to avoid to be honest.

Once everybody has gone, and we've tidied up and got Milo and Tilly in bed, we're too tired and full to cook, so we spend the evening in the garden drinking and gossiping.

In total, this is what we had today:

• cereal & boiled eggs for breakfast;
• Ham and mustard sandwiches ala Ana for lunch, and a large bag of Bhuja mix - this year's snack du jour;
• A picnic consisting of Pork Pies, crisps, Stella, fizzy wine, Baby Bel, carrots, houmous and marmite rice cakes care of Greggy, Heat-er and Ana;
• Mini Milks for Milo, Tilly, Cerys and Harry;
  
• 2 x 14" Pepperoni Pizza, 1 x 12" Fungi, 1 x 12" American Arrabiata, 1 x 12" Chicken, 1 x 12" Margherita. I can't remember what Rob, Jane and Spandy had, but it basically all added up to £75 well spent.